soul

'Whatever my lot, thou has taught me to say: It is well with my soul'

That was the chorus to one of the songs I sang last night... how true it is.




It's strange... the last week or so... I thought I had finally gained some good footing on where my life is heading - some clarity on the future if you will - and then, piece by piece, it all seemed to slowly, well not fall apart, but unravel a bit. I say unravel because it can be fixed, stitched back together, but it relies on finding the right pieces to fit together in the right way, at the right time, with the right threads. So for now, I wait... till december, by then perhaps...


I read a quote on Thursday about the soul - you know when you hear something just at the right time? It was:"You do not have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body." ~ C.S. LewisPutting things back into perspective, I remembered that this world is NOT all that there is - there is a hope, a love so much greater. A purpose. A destination. There IS a future, and, despite the fact that I may not know what's happenin in my life next year, next month, or even next week, the bigger picture makes far more sense, and i DO have that in view...


After Lift last night I went out to a mate's then to dinner and drinks (neither of which I had) then took some mates home but was keen to party on, so to speak. City was too far, and all my friends (majority anyway) were either there or at home. Considered getting a dvd so started driving to the only video store which I know is open till 11pm on a saturday night. It was a full moon last night, or close to it, and my mind wandered as i drove down wakehurst parkway back to my soul - am i nurturin it? something felt empty inside me, not empty, missing - that seems a contradiction i know. I asked God, "Tell me now Lord. I need to know now." And I found myself goin round the round-a-bout at seaforth and heading home - it was too cold to sit and ponder somewhere anyway. And as I was driving back up wakehurst parkway, the moon glowing so intensely that i really needn't use headlights (but i did) and not even the stars could be seen, i realised i'm not really missing anything at all within me...


It can be hard - at least for me - to let go and give over control to someone else. I have a body. But one day I wil lose it - growing old, inevitably dying. But I am a soul. I may not have my meaning and purpose, my immediate future. But couldn't one say that I am a meaning and purpose? and so are you?... we are just yet to discover it, it is yet to be revealed... and so we wait...




When I said, "My foot is slipping,"

your love, O Lord, supported me.

When anxiety was great within me,

your consolation brought joy to my soul. ~ Psalm 94:18-19

home...

where is home?

is it the house i live in?... or used to live in?...

is it where my family is?... brisbane, melbourne, sawtell, northbridge, hornsby, belrose... and

who is my family? by blood, by friendship, by belief?

is home where the heart is?... and where is my heart?

is it where you feel loved, feel welcomed, feel supported, feel unique, feel included, feel touched, feel excited, feel joy... feel you?

is a tangible place... fixed or ever-changing?

is it dependent on the individual, the environment, political, social or economic factors?

is it already known to me or am i yet to find it?

is it even part of this world?


maybe i've already found it.

maybe it's not where you live, but who you live for.

maybe family isn't a word you think twice about when you're there.

maybe my heart's already there, and that's why I feel torn.

maybe it's not about what we feel but simply who we are.

maybe it is both permanent yet it's exact fixture ad occupants are not yet fully established.

maybe it's not dependant on a factor, but a figure.

maybe I know exactly where it is, but I just can't go there yet...