thinking can be dangerous

I've been thinking about writing this blog over the last few days... and now that I am actually writing it, I'm finding it much harder to think of the words to write. Let me explain.

A lot of changes are occuring in my life. Some that I have control of, some that I do not (although, one could possibly argue that I don't acutally have control of anything in my life.. or that that control is limited to the choices I make...) And, to be frank, those changes are a little overwhelming! It's not just that I'll be heading back to uni - something I swore I would never do again - or that my parents have moved back from Melbourne - I love my parents, why wouldn't I want to be closer to them? - or that the people and times seem to be changing around me. They say there's two constants in life - death and taxes. Death TO taxes. Change is the only ever-present constant. I don't hate change. I fear it. Especially when I don't know what IT is.

And so we do a round circle and end up at a blog I wrote some time ago, about fears...

Like anyone ever reads these blogs...

But fear, or fears, are not the point to this blog. This blog is about the ordinary. And about the future. And now I remember how this blog was originally going to start:

"There's no knight in shining armour or prince on a white stallion. No one is going to knock on your door or run into you on the street and sweep you off your feet. You can't just wait. You have to find him."

That's a vague quote from a friend of mine. And it's true, isn't it? We fantasize. We want something, quite literally, fantastical to happen in our lives, for our 'dreams to come true'. I considered that it could just be laziness that lead me to believe (as every young girl and boy does) that, whatever it may be, my dreams could come true. But that's just it, I'm not a young girl anymore. I've developed an intense need for the logical in my life. Perhaps if I were more eccentric (or more deluded) or more motivated (or more wealthy) then those dreams could become a possibilty. But everything in my nature tells me that they are simply that: dreams. Figments of my imagination. Sure, they may be based upon things in my life and spring forth from observing their fullfilment in others' lives. But, for me, they are nothing more than fantastical. Is that depressing? Yeah, sure is. But, for me, as I think about those things again (things I may never voice due to the fear (and the realisation) that they won't ever happen), it's easier to not try - not due to laziness, perhaps due to fear, or lack of self-confidence, or because my logic speaks the truth.

Fantastical things do not happen to ordinary people.



I don't think I'll be back on here for a while. Mostly because this blog is really more to get my lyrics down (and why? how pointless it seems now...) and because I won't be able to write many songs what with living with my parents again (and they're accutely opposite sleeping habits). So, instead, I will now post a few more recent songs (one as recent as the last 24hrs). Maybe someone will, someday, read the lyrics and... no. Fantastical things do not happen to ordinary people. End of story.