Wrong Interpretations

and so, i give you a new song, written about a month ago... time has lost meaning to me... i wrote it concerning a few issues, but mostly it was me acknowledging that i am not good at intrepetting my feelings, or the reasons behind those feelings. Which means I always second-guess myself, and don't take chances. It came to me after I missed an opportunity to proactively follow a secret dream of mine. This version was the result of my strange and cynical thought progression.



Wrong Interpretations


This is how is starts:
Confusing head with heart.
Willing self to see
You'd want a girl like me - hallucination.

This is how I know:
Murphy's Law tells me so;
Whatever could go bad
Went bad before it had begun - destruction.

It could be everything we ever asked for;
It could be everything and more.

This is how it went:
All my patience had been spent.
I always wanted more
Than just friends. Walk out the door - this is rejection.

It could be everything we ever asked for;
It could be everything and more.
It could be everything we ever asked for;
t could be everything and more.

This is how it ends:
We can't be more than friends.
Knowing all along
My feelings were just wrong interpretations.

And now i've lost the war; no limitations.



Original Lyrics by bricrane 2009

reflections on '09

It seems apt that as the year comes to a close I should rediscover why it is that i have this blog.
Is it simply an outlet of my creative frustration and internal debates? Or is it because I still hold to the belief, however much I convince myself that I do not, that someone, somewhere cares; that someone somewhere wants to know me, to understand the intricate al beit strange workings of my mind? That, somehow, this shall answer questions I wish someone would have the guts to ask me to my face...

2009 - what a strange year you have been...

As I often do during my interim time in the bathroom (the only time that feels like mine and mine alone), I was thinking last night. Thinking is a dangerous thing for one like myself, who is prone to overthinking, overanalysing and absolute cynicism, which ultimately spirals down.. down... down...
i was pondering Christmas; Christmas 2009 specifically, as the day came to a close. This year has been different for Christmas. This morning I called it "understated" - i think i was wrong. I think, if I allow myself to be completely honest with myself, that this is the first year that i have felt no excitement about Christmas and what it holds - both as an event on the social calender, and an event of historical and/or religious significance. And what frustrates me is that I cannot pinpoint WHY that is...
And, of course, with that, I began thinking of this year as a whole. Remembering conversations over the last few days about what my plans for the future are and what I have achieved since High School, i found that my list for the future was more extensive than i thought (that there is some hope left in me, somewhere) and that my list for the last few years (four years... ugh) is not as short as i have always convinced myself. yes, i have 'achieved' a fair bit, despite my disbelief in myself.
I've always considered myself less than average, normal in the extreme, absolutely nothing special, nothing out of the ordinary. but i guess i'm not. not that i am more than those things, but that i am not average or normal - that, perhaps, 'average' and 'normal' are terms that cannot be efined conclusively and, as such, do not truly exist. i am different. that, in and of itself, is normal - for everyone is different - but i am not average, which is... not a relief, but strangely comforting.

And as for 2009... well, let's see:
- my parents moved back from melbourne
- i started a degree in med science
- i postponed studies in med science after 2 weeks part-time study
- i got a cat
- i conceded some hard things to myself and attempted to overcome them
- i travelled to north america by myself for a month
- i spent less time online, significantly less time
- i completed a 2-year apprenticeship
- i gained full-time employement
- i forgave my brother, and myself
- i started writing, a little, again
- i woke up

...so what does 2010 hold for me?
i'm not sure, entirely. But, i DO think that i can now move forward, to some degree. running, after crawling for so long, seems unwise - surely i will fall down quickly, and that would hurt. so, i must take baby steps, learn to walk upright by myself before i can run and leap and climb. yet, being awake, having the curtains open, allowing myself to see and feel and hope and dream... it makes me feel deeply vulnerable, absolutely, but, for the first time in a long time, i feel alive... and how bad can that be?

One and Only (In Everything)

You're there in every whisper of the wind
You're in the sunrise as the day begins
You're there in every high and every low
You're in the tears of joy and of sorrow

You are our God
the One and Only
Who gave His Son
To make us Holy
Redeemed our lives
Though so unworthy
So we could live
To bring You glory

You're there in every secret silent place
You're in each step we take and dream we chase
You're there in every strum and hit and chord
You're in our voices as we praise You, Lord

You are our God
the One and Only
Who gave His Son
To make us Holy
Redeemed our lives
Though so unworthy
So we could live
To bring You glory

Saviour
Redeemer
Creator
Supreme
Almighty
Forever
Our Father
And Friend


You're there as Spirit when our hearts cry out
You're in the light of day and dark of night
You're there in every breath and every sigh
You're in each second as the days go by

You are our God
the One and Only
Who gave His Son
To make us Holy
Redeemed our lives
Though so unworthy
So we could live
To bring You glory



original lyrics by bricrane 18/08/2009

As Yet Untitled

Music ringing in my mind
I wish that I could find a place
Could find a place
Without your face
Could find a face, to be

You fill my mind with every thought
I'm analysing and I'll fight
I'll fight for you
Until I'm through
I'll fight for you, to see

If you live each day
Like it's your last
You run the risk of losing
All that's never come to pass

And if you fight to save
What you've never won
You alienate the people
You never had a chance to love

Hearing lyrics in my head
I wish that I was dead
You're dead to me
Why can't you see
You're dead to me, to me

If you live each day
Like it's your last
You run the risk of losing
All that's never come to pass

And if you fight to save
What you've never won
You alienate the people
You never had a chance to love


You filled my mind with every thought
I've analysed it and I've fought
I've fought for you
And now I'm through
I've fought for you, not me



Original Lyrics 2009 bricrane

6 months

No, not my favourite song by Hey Monday, but a song of my own.

It's been 6 months since I said goodbye to songwriting, temporarily. As it so often happens, things, thoughts, epiphanies if you will, come to me at the most unexpected times, often the most inconvenient times when a pen and paper are nowhere to be seen and a recording device is inappropriate. That or I'm in the bathroom, drying my hair - that's happened a few times now... And that's how it happened for me a few days ago. Yes, I am writing again. That is to say, I wrote lyrics and have a melody - I'm still working on the arrangement and chords that work best (very backwards really). This might be a once-off; maybe there won't be any more songs for another 6 months... God, I hope not. Please, no.

So, next post is the new piece. As I said, it's really more of a work in progress, but the lyrics probably won't change, except for perhaps the order of verses, which changes each day. Let me know if you like it...

Warped Tour

I'm not going to rant and rave about it (not here, anyway), but I will say that this will not be a "first-and-last-time" for Vans Warped Tour, for me!

This is a list of the bands that I saw, at least in part, yesterday. I didn't get to see all that I wanted to see but there were 71 bands (and that's just in Atlanta) that played over the 10-hour, 85 degree, 90% humidity day (it did rain late on and All Time Low had to relocate). Some are new discoveries that I love, too. In order:
Seven Story Fall
3oh!3
Underoath
TAT
The White Tie Affair
Forever the Sickest Kids
Bayside
Black Tide
Senses Fail
The Devil Wears Prada
Scary Kids Scaring Kids
Versa Emerge
Ocean Theory
All Time Low

all the small things...

I've been thinking about this blog for about two weeks now... Who thinks about writing a blog, I hear you ask? Me. I think about a lot of things. Often, unnecessarily. Often, without thinking about thinking. And, often, forgetting about them as soon as I've thought of them.

The idea for this blog came to me on the 14th July whilst walking through the two main parks in Boston city. I had already been thinking about how strange, and yet comforting, it is that so many things can remind me of people - seemingly random things. In fact, I'm fairly certain I've mentioned it before... Even now, my mind is thinking about writing this blog and how I seem to be formalising my grammatical style, whilst also reminscing about recent events; thinking about the fact that I will miss yet another concert by one of my favourite bands (the Cab are playing tomorrow night in Atlanta, for $10 no less); and getting more frustrated at the guy sitting next to me, who stinks like hell and is now playing an audio clip. Yes, I think about all those things at once, and still have space to analyse 'why?' and 'how?' and the reasoning etc etc you get the idea.

I digress...

All the small things. So, as I was walking over a footbridge over a pond in a park in Boston - a pond where you can pay someone to float you around in a swan-shaped boat for 10mins (please!) - there was a group of three teenage guys busking. Picture a Jonas Brothers-esque group - they sounded much the same but were all playing acoustic guitars, and not strumming in time (annoying). The song they were singing, as I recall it, was "All The Small Things" (of course, that may just be what I remember... I tend to 'hear' songs that remind me of places or people or events e.g. Yellowcard as I walked down Ocean Ave in Santa Monica, and The Academy Is as I drove past Barrington High in the Hills of LA)... I'm good at getting side-tracked... and this blog is quickly becoming the much longer, thought-out version of my hyperactive mind...

Let me quickly say what I need to say.

Tomorrow I begin to head home after four weeks of travelling North America. Many people have told me that I am brave and independent and even inspiring as I have travelled - I have met so many beautiful people. But, that is not how I see it. I do not see this trip about me (although, in all truth, I have learnt a lot about myself... or, at least, how others' see me). What has made this trip so memorable, so much fun and something I want to do again (soon!) is all the small things:
- iconic objects like red fire hydrants, yellow cabs, FedEx vans, fast food outlets...;
- people: the famous celebrities of Hollywood that I didn't meet; Jena and Noah in Ohio; everyone who was on the Cosmos tour with me (all 42 - plus John and France - of you); the 4 lovely ladies I met here in Atlanta that drove me to and from Warped and hung out with me; and the randoms on the streets, in the hotels and in the air;
- the sites - both the historic and the little places I found along the way;
- the weather, the flora and fauna... nature in general, including climate and geography;
- the things that I associate with people, places and events, both past and present.
... all the SMALL things!

And, yet again, I find it easier to quote the good boys of Fall Out Boy than say what I really think, word for word. So I leave you with these songs, which have been in my head of late:
Homesick At Spacecamp; and
Sending Postcards From a Place Crash (Wish You Were Here).

(They actually appear one-after-another on their album: Take This To Your Grave - my favourite FOB album.)


So, Sydney, I'll be seeing you and all your glory and wonderful people in approximately 2 days (or 3 days if you are where I am, currently... yay for time zones!)

After that, who knows, I may just return to the self I was a month ago, before all these small things happened in my life... I surely hope not...


xx bri

Canada ay?

ay ay ay

i haven't heard anyone say that yet... maybe that's because i say it myself...

so, I am currently in Toronto, Canada's capital. I haven't been able to get much access to the Internet for extended periods (more than 20mins) so I haven't written any blogs since Boston. AND I still can't upload any photos - the lady at this Internet cafe doesn't know her computers very well, they are slow as hell, worse than the ones at the hotels. But I'm goin to use this time (and $3) to write a blog and attempt to upload maybe 15 more pics (woo...).

So Canada - let me catch you up.

First we went to Quebec. Quebec City is really a few cities - the old city is still walled (I think the only walled city in North America) and is so quaint with it's stone roads and little cafes. It oozes history. Oh, and it's French-speaking! I managed to learn a couple of phrases on the bus, but (like everywhere) unless you have a camera slung around your neck, are travelling in a tour group, look lost or ask heaps of questions of passers-by, they presumed I was local (which I love/prefer). Quebec holds a Summer Festival each year at this time - the tix cost $45 for 10 days. KISS was playing the night we were in Quebec! Do you think I even got close? Well, Nat and I climbed the wall, but we could still only hear it (it sounded good...). That was after the dinner outing and tour of Chateau de Fontenac.

After two nights in Quebec (the first being after a full days drive and involving Maccas and sleep), we travelled to Montreal - also French-speaking. I found a fruit market not far from out hotel and went grocery-crazy! My stomach is getting very confused... Montreal is a bit of a nothing city - there's a great couple of up-market suburbs (that are actually nicer than Bel Air in LA, I'd go so far to say), but our tour guide preferred to point out the cemetries... weirdo.

Then we headed to Ottawa, where we could once again embrace the English language... almost. Ottawa is actually right on the border and you can cross a bridge and be back in the province of Quebec. However, Ottawa is a historic gemstone. I wandered through the streets after taking a tour of Parliment house (oh yeah, Ottawa is the capital... not Toronot, Toronto is the largest city... oops) and going up the Peace Tower, which has a great view of the CBD and out over the river and loches (is that how you spell it?). At 9.30pm I watched the laser show that plays ON Parliment House - got some great photos!

And yesterday we spent pretty well all day travelling. We had a cruise in the mid-morning on the St Lawrence River through the 1000 Island region (yes, where 1000 Island Dressing was invented) - there's actually something like 1600 islands, all natural except for one. We stopped for lunch in the cute little sea port town of Kingston. Then, last night, we headed up the CN Tower in Toronto for dinner in the revolving restaurant - great views of course! Actually, Nat and I have great views of the city from our hotel room (for once!). And today I wandered the streets after our morning tour. It's coming up 2.30pm so I'm heading out to lunch/dinner on Yonge St (the longest street in North America, and it starts in Toronto).

Oh, and Toronto is the sickest city I've visited. It combines the best parts of LA, NYC and a dash of Melbourne. Found the best street - Queen St - but have zero money... just enough for lunch/dinner today and maybe lunch tomorrow!

Love you all
xx

Ok, blog is due! So much to catch you up on...

From LA I headed to Cleveland, Ohio. Originally I had chosen to come here for a couple of reasons - Warped Tour; it's geographically and chronologically in between LA and NYC (most flights to NYC go via Cleveland Inernational Airport); and I quite fancied meeting the wonderful Jena!
First day in Cleveland I visited the Rock 'n' Roll Hall of Fame - Cleveland's main (and perhaps only) attraction. People like Arriel, Struan, Cedric and maybe Scott would have loved it, I think... After that I headed to Tower City Centre with the aim of buying a pair of Converse. I discovered you could buy Warped tickets "at the door" for only $40, considered going for the afternoon, then decided against it. Biggest mistake of my life! (Melodramatic?) Paramore played a surprise guest set at 5pm on main stage. Main stage is part of Tower City Centre. Only 5 blocks from my hotel. Death. I spent the afternoon and next day kickin myself. Still am... can you tell?
Next day: Jena and her friend Noah drove up from Alliance (about 90mins?) to meet me and spend the day. We went to the Great Lakes Science Centre, which is very much like Questacon in Canberra, then went to lunch at Olive Grove after they tortured me with Sweet Tea and Jena's GPS took us on a fun detour. I spent the night diligently doing apprenticeship work (20hrs? please).
Saturday I slept I don't know how long and got my Cons! Jena and Noah ventured back in the arvo and we saw Public Enemy, which was ruined slightly because I was analysing everything having just been to Universal Studios (because I never analyse anything...) Jena, Noah: we must do it again! I don't know when or where, but it WILL happen!
Sunday I headed to New York (via Newark, New Jersey Airport) to start my TOUR

Touring thus far:
First up: my roommate doesn't have dentures, doesn't snore and isn't a nudist - praise the Lord. She's a typical 28-year-old sheila from the Gong (aka Wollongong). Apart from a couple of teenage kids we are by far the youngest on tour.
I LOVE NEW YORK CITY!!! Favourite city. NEED to come back. Preferably in winter. Thankfully I'll be back for a couple of days at the end of the tour. Central Park is beautiful - I could spend every day there. Time Square is rockin' - I could spend every night there. You get the idea.
Now: Boston. We arrived yesterday. I restrained from buying 20cds and clothes at Hot Topic across the road (we're staying south of the city and opposite the largest mall in New England). Today we had a tour of the city and then I walked back through the city and their parks - the parks here are particularly beautiful (I think they make up for all the buildings with gorgeous parks). And now I'm back at the hotel, hogging the computer again...

Tomorrow we head to Quebec, Canadia... Canada...

Not sure when I'll be able to upload photos (not here) but I promise you'll love them - I've taken heaps (Sam, be proud).

sending my love,
bri

I have to keep this quick - my 10 free mins is almost up and there's a Britsh guy waiting to use the computer...

ok ok so since last blog I have:
- gone to Universal Studios (see Facebook pics)
- walked down Melrose Ave - by far the best place in my opinion for funky shopping... if only i had money to freely splurge...
- walked from Santa Monica to Venice Beach - they're not so crazy there... rather, everyone everywhere in LA is a bit crazy

... oh oh Brit guy is only charging iPod. glory


so Universal Studios was great. i took the sunscreen this time and didn't get any MORE burnt - hurrah! the Mummy Ride was brief but really good - if i scream on a rollercoaster it's good. I got drenched on Jurassic Park despite my el-cheepo poncho. The Animal Actors show was too cute - probably the most talented actors in Hollywood right there. My sushi was yummy - and perhaps the only thing not deep fried that was available (sigh). The House of Horrors was by FAR the best haunted house I've been in - they employ actors to dress up as Chuckie, Frankenstien, ghosts, everything and i was lucky last in the queue so everyone ran after me. apparently i have an amazing scream - i had to hold onto the mother and daughter in front of me at one stage - apparently it was my scream that was scaring her kid the most... the Simpsons ride was, sadly, average, but it was fully visual - just a surround screen and a seat that moved; made me feel so sick though. the New Creature from the Black Lagoon was the new show they had running - rather, a musical. Belle, if you are reading this, I reckon you would have loved it... i'll have to re-caption some of the photos to try and explain... And Treminator2:3D was, sorry Ian, crapola. But they love the Govenator so hey.

Today Melrose, Venice, Santa Monica:
Melrose Ave is amazing. I want to come back here to spend all my hard-earnt money some day.. soon! You've probably heard of Ed Hardy, Victoria's Secret, American Apparel and Planet Funk. What about English Laundry, American Vintage, Wastage,... eugh so manyh i can't even remember! plus, i got a free bus rise there - americans are so lovely.
then i headed up to Santa Monica (found a RadioShack on the way so now i can charge things with Sam's borrowed Universal Adapter, which has a European end ?!) and walked down to Venice Beach past Hotel California (aka McDonalds Pharmacy). Then back up to 3rd St Promenade for dinner - i spolit myself cause i haven't been eating too too well (healthy, but stingy) with Seafood Ravioli and Mushroom Sauce. Also had my first Budweiser... it's ok. TED is better.

And tomorrow i head to Cleveland. You probably won't hear from me till i get to NYC.

xoxo...
(kidding Gossip Girl fans)

xx bri

p.s. feel free to message me on facebook - i check that the most)

Happy 4th July and LALALAND

Hello!

After arriving in the wee hours (6.30am) of Independence Day I have to say, landing in LA felt completely normal. I got to the hotel by 8.30 and passed out for a few hours. AS such, now no jet lag! (sorry, Dad, but I'm glad we're not alike in that)

Yesterday, the 4th July holidays, I wandered through Downtown. Not much was open but I managed to get me some Clinique at Macy's and groceries at Rite Aid, which is very similar to Priceline. I then headed back to the hotel for an hour before catching the Metro rail and bus out to Santa Monica for the celebrations. Transport here is pretty easy but I felt like I was the only white female in LA - the population is 60% spanish and most people don't speak Engliush as their first language. Downtown itself is made up of pretty much every nationality you can think of.

Santa Monica is beautiful, esp at night - the pier was all lit up and the beach had a candle-lit memorial. Catching the bus back took about 2hrs though!

Today I had my tour of LA - ended up being a private tour, which was good but meant that there weren't other people to bounce off and look sickeningly touristy with. (i'll upload photos when i can get on the computer for more than 10mins) Westwood and Hollywood are the happening places. Beverly Hills and Bel Air are clearly the places to live - pity about the price tags. Went to Highland & Hollywood Shopping Centre when on Hollywood Bld and Manns Chinese Theatre - they have some trendy shops, designer places, oh and Hot Topic! (it's a lot like Fat but with more music and heaps of Twilight an dHarry Potter stuff). Definately heading back to Melrose Ave for shopping - Ed Hardy, American Apparel and the trendy one-of-a-kind stores (reminds me of Greville St). I think I'll head back to 3rd st promenade in Santa Monica too.

Tomorrow is Universal Studios, then Tuesday I'll buy a day Metro pass and wander around.

I love LA, but I'm not convinced I could live here - unless I become very rich and preferably famous :P

I miss you all. Oh, and I';m already sunburnt!

More soon
xx bri

Come Fly With Me

Profound thought for today... well, i guess it was yesterday now (I pulled an all-nighter rather than get a couple hours sleep, when i doubt i would have been able to sleep anyway):

There are (undoubtably) more Gamers in their mid-20s (or older) than amateur singers. I should give more credit to my brother.

This isn't the direction I originally saw this going but, Ian, this blog goes out to you.

I'm heading to America today. It'll be my first time overseas, or really anywhere, by myself. How many times has my brother done that?

This is the first blog I've written in maybe 4/5 months. I was reading over my last blog yesterday and I realised that, yes, I still believe what I wrote, but I think I am in a better place now where I can grasp more the ups and downs. What I now know about myself is, I am not a risk-taker. I like the familiar. I like what I know, even if it isn't preferable. I get into habits easily, both good and bad. And I have a fear of rejection (apparently). I said it once before here and I think it still applies: I have a fear of the unknown, which can manifest in various forms (doesn't everyone?!). So, I guess I do have a fear of rejection, but (thankfully) I deal with rejections very well. Ian, Ian doesn't seem to have my fears...
He's bold - I'm a coward.
He takes risks (however stupid they may seem to me) - I do not.
He believes in himself - I do not.

Ian, right here right now I want to say this: I believe in you. (You will make a great gamer, once you score your dream job!)

And so, in 4.5hours my plane will be leaving the tar matt and then soaring over the Pacific Ocean - I'll effectively be leaving Australia behind for 4 weeks. The question is, can I also leave those fears and insecurities and disbeliefs behind as well? Maybe I can. But when I return in August will they infest me again or, like a virus, will they die without me to sustain them? And, is that what I want, or are they just a part of who I am - of what makes Bri, Bri? Do I want to, CAN I leave them behind, now or ever? I guess only time will tell...

Fantastical

Sitting here with all my troubled thoughts
Thinking of a future with you in it
I had to force my mind of it

It all seems like a book or dream or movie
But I can't see the story
Just a blank screen staring back into my eyes

How could
I believe that I was meant for something more
Than simply breathing through my mouth
It all comes down
To faith and hope in something more
Than this world can offer now


It can offer me
The promise of a future
Of being more than human
It can offer us
The clarity I needed
That's all I wanted all along



Original Lyrics by bricrane 2009

Choosing (Between What Is Good And What Is Easy)

What is the difference
Between what is good and what is easy?
How can you decipher the code
of right and wrong, of yes and no?

It used to be so simple
Follow the rules of basic attraction
Girl likes boy, boy likes girl
Smile politely in his direction
And hope he notices
The flush in your cheeks when he looks in your eyes
But still you ask the question -
Does he like me or not and, if so, then why?



Original Lyrics by bricrane 2009

The End

The spider crawls back to it's cobweb
The mother cries over the death bed
The father reaches out to hold her
Face of an angel, hair so golden

Is it really as it seems?
A world of grey - that's all death brings?

The rain is falling gently earthbound
Much like the lives of all those around

Is it really as it seems?
A world of grey - that's all death brings?
Can we really have a future?
Death's not the end - just hold on to her

You knew it all along
His hand is firmly on her
She is moving on
To places so much better
You knew it along
His plans are so much bigger
Yes, she is moving on
To a place that's so much better

Is this really as it seems?
A world of grey - that's all death brings?
Can we really have a future?
Death's not the end - just hold on to her

The spider crawls back to it's cobweb



Original Lyrics by bricrane 2009

thinking can be dangerous

I've been thinking about writing this blog over the last few days... and now that I am actually writing it, I'm finding it much harder to think of the words to write. Let me explain.

A lot of changes are occuring in my life. Some that I have control of, some that I do not (although, one could possibly argue that I don't acutally have control of anything in my life.. or that that control is limited to the choices I make...) And, to be frank, those changes are a little overwhelming! It's not just that I'll be heading back to uni - something I swore I would never do again - or that my parents have moved back from Melbourne - I love my parents, why wouldn't I want to be closer to them? - or that the people and times seem to be changing around me. They say there's two constants in life - death and taxes. Death TO taxes. Change is the only ever-present constant. I don't hate change. I fear it. Especially when I don't know what IT is.

And so we do a round circle and end up at a blog I wrote some time ago, about fears...

Like anyone ever reads these blogs...

But fear, or fears, are not the point to this blog. This blog is about the ordinary. And about the future. And now I remember how this blog was originally going to start:

"There's no knight in shining armour or prince on a white stallion. No one is going to knock on your door or run into you on the street and sweep you off your feet. You can't just wait. You have to find him."

That's a vague quote from a friend of mine. And it's true, isn't it? We fantasize. We want something, quite literally, fantastical to happen in our lives, for our 'dreams to come true'. I considered that it could just be laziness that lead me to believe (as every young girl and boy does) that, whatever it may be, my dreams could come true. But that's just it, I'm not a young girl anymore. I've developed an intense need for the logical in my life. Perhaps if I were more eccentric (or more deluded) or more motivated (or more wealthy) then those dreams could become a possibilty. But everything in my nature tells me that they are simply that: dreams. Figments of my imagination. Sure, they may be based upon things in my life and spring forth from observing their fullfilment in others' lives. But, for me, they are nothing more than fantastical. Is that depressing? Yeah, sure is. But, for me, as I think about those things again (things I may never voice due to the fear (and the realisation) that they won't ever happen), it's easier to not try - not due to laziness, perhaps due to fear, or lack of self-confidence, or because my logic speaks the truth.

Fantastical things do not happen to ordinary people.



I don't think I'll be back on here for a while. Mostly because this blog is really more to get my lyrics down (and why? how pointless it seems now...) and because I won't be able to write many songs what with living with my parents again (and they're accutely opposite sleeping habits). So, instead, I will now post a few more recent songs (one as recent as the last 24hrs). Maybe someone will, someday, read the lyrics and... no. Fantastical things do not happen to ordinary people. End of story.