i can't keep waiting to live

how do i explain a situation?

is it ever so simple as this or that?is it really ever a matter of answering yes, or no...?

ask me how i amask me what's going on in my lifeask me to explain how i'm feeling

i could answer you: great. good. not too bad. alright. yeah...

is that really an answer. is it really so... bland. bland, boring: that's what i think that kind of an answer is. a copout. an easy option.

do you really want to know, or are you just asking to be polite? or maybe you do want to know, but don't want commit time or emotion to find out the whole truth.

because there's truth. and then there's truth. you know, i might tell you something - it's not a lie, but it's not the whole story. i'm holding back.

or maybe i actually can't tell you everything. not because i don't want to (although, maybe i don't actually want to, which is why i don't...) but maybe because i don't know myself how i'm really going, what i'm really feeling. i cannot express. not because i don't want to nor know how to but because i don't know what i'm expressing.

and so i write.

nothing in particular.

just my thoughts.

about life. about thinking. about nothing.

...

i had a song stuck in my head this morning. a few actually. all very different songs by very different people. but they had all written these songs. that they had in common - an expression of themselves in musical form, just getting it out there. and so i write... i don't feel like singing...

i can't keep waiting to live...

ask me how i am
ask me how life is going
ask me what i feel

why can't i just answer yes, or no?
why can't it be that easy?
it can
i just overcomplicate
i think...
i analyse...
then it goes too far
i make it more than it is. or, rather, more than it could be. it is what it is. but i could make it less complicated. more simplified. easier. i could...

but i don't want to. i think that's the problem. i like complicated. i like hard.

so i reach a dilemna...

do i make it easy. do i say just yes. just no. and not commit, not reveal the whole picture. do i tell the whole truth. the whole story. but do you want to hear it? do i make some middle ground. a comprimise.

yes. no. good. bad. right. wrong. can it really be so simple? so black and white?

do i deny myself, who i am, so that no one feels uncomfortable? do i even care if you're uncomfortable? i am...

you were the one that asked how i was, how my life was going, what i was feeling...